I interrupt my regularly scheduled Wedding and Birthday posts to bring you my very first guest blogger post from my bestest buddy Jerry. You may recognize Jerry from Trimming with Jerry or my Open Letter to Jerry on Counter Culture. Well folks, here he is in all his glory (I hope you brought your dictionary).
Veggie Angie with Jerry at Green
Hi Vegans. Jerry here.
I went with the venerable Walleys to get a bite to eat at Green Restaurant the other day- this was in May, I believe. Angie invited me to write a blog post, or maybe I forcibly suggested that I write one, I’m not sure which. I’ve got a bad memory, you see. I’m finally getting around to writing it. Ahem.
I should first say that I’m a recovering Vegan. Meaning, I eat meat now. Who knows what triggered the switch? Boredom? Apathy? Malaise? But, that shouldn’t sway you from hearing my honest opinion of the food at Green. Set aside your criticisms for a moment, won’t you? Here’ goes:
Jerry charms some money out of our wallets at Green
The food at Green has gotten better. When it first opened, I thought I was back in the Food Not Bombs basement, covered in nutritional yeast and wheat gluten. But, now, I think that it’s grown into its own. That day, in May, (what’ya say? Hey, hey!) I ordered the…Chalupas. Not very daring, I know, but that’s what I ordered. They were, to my delight, very tasty indeed! Crispity. Crunchity, and the fake’m meat was all that it was supposed to be, and more, dear readers. Tender, near-gravy chunks of all-brown texturized vegetable protein “meat”, seasoned to perfection, and not a hint of nut yeast anywhere. The TVP rested on top of a frizzly sheet of damn-fine lettuce, with tomato pillows, on top of hard corn tostada mattress. Am I spelling that right? Mattress? It came with a ubiquitous side of off-color rice, which I didn’t eat, and never will. Rice just doesn’t blow my skirt up. Sorry, brown rice. All in all, I’d say, lovely job on the Chalupas. Now then, the enchiladas…
Jerry holds my enchiladas with great reverence
The sauce on Angie’s enchiladas was tasty, I’ll give them that. But the wet gloppy vegetable medley inside, coupled with the vegan cheese – which has the consistency of cold Neosporin – was insufferable. Those enchiladas should be dragged into the street and shot, but that’s just one man’s opinion. The beans were good, however.
Jerry’s meatball face
Mark’s spaghetti was typical spaghetti. The meatballs: large and glutenish. I’ll come out and say it. I hate spaghetti. I was in a pasta factory explosion in Brevig Mission, Alaska, back in 1914, and it scarred me for life. I haven’t been able to enjoy spaghetti ever since. How can you, when you see the severed hands and shins of your co-workers strewn about an empty shell of a burnt-out factory, covered in perfectly al-dente spaghetti? The marinara was their blood. Marty Robbins said it, ” some memories just won’t die…”
Jerry questions the significance of salad
The salad. Yeah. I like salad. It was a salad. Not bad.
I usually get the Reuben at Green. Now there’s a sandwich. Juicy, cheesy, sauerkrauty: everything you want in a Reuben, and, AND, it’s veggie! But, I didn’t get it this time. In May.
Ok, I’ve got to run. Go to Green. Get the Chalupas and the Reuben. Avoid the enchiladas like the burning black plague, and don’t forget to tip your waiter. They’re people too.
– Jeremiah C. Teutsch
Jerry with a vegan cookie
Big thanks to Jerry for his guest blog post! Always hilarious and enlightening. I’ll be sharing photos from my sister’s Wedding, my nephew’s Birthday and some awesome Hawaii inspired pizza from Whole Foods soon. Until then…
Veggie Angie and Jerry at Green
Hilarious! I agree….the food at Green has gotten way better but I tend to steer away from the fake meat products. Hummus sandwich and strawberry shortcake cupcake is one of my most favorite meals.
I love their Hummus sandwich! I raved about it here Their cupcakes are great too. I need to get an interview with their vegan bakers. Chris Sauter isn’t convinced you can make a great vegan cake and I’m on a mission to prove him wrong. :)